TOO SCARED FALL IN LOVE

Assalamualaikum, Hye! As u see on the title, it is a thing that I want to share with u guys about my feelings. I'm feeling confused right now like now! I don't know what to do. It is about the feeling when you really wanna have a boyfriend but you are too less self-confidence towards your personality and ur appearance. Some people might think that it is too cliche to tell this kind of story, but trust me. It's true. You cannot avoid urself and hide in the rocks without knowing WHAT IS LOVE ACTUALLY. I'm worried about this feeling where you're being scared of falling in love. After too many unsweet memory that u had. It is not that simple to say. Just GO! You don't know that feeling when they choose what's the best for them like they will choose pretty girl, kind, flawless, white skin. This is too mean for me.  I think it is not fair for me! It is very sad when every time you kept thinking about it.  You've struggled enough to just show to the person you've liked. I'm sure most of you guys have the same feelings as mine. It is hard when sometimes u sacrificed yourself just for LOVE! Love is a pain, yeah? It is. Sometimes I feel envy with my sister and her boyfriend. Like I want it too. I want to be loved by someone. It is enough for me to just having a useless man that didn't appreciate me that much or maybe it is just me who just feeling that he liked me. SHIT! I hate this feeling. I fell in love with a person in the game. SHIT SHIT SHIT! Bodohnyaaaaaaaaa! ARGHHHHHH! WHY!!!!??? But I told him I've already had a boyfriend AHAKS. Cause you know past taught me to be careful with every each person you've met. They might be taking for granted on u, or maybe they are really really wanted to get to know you? MAYBE? Who knows? A miracle could happen possibly. We don't know when but it will. Hmmm, It is just tiring u know. When you've kept waiting for someone to come and please and appreciate. It is too rare. But I will. Non-stop. I will love as I do. He appreciates me as I do appreciate him. I want him to be a guy who wants me to complete his life. I want a guy who can really understand me. I'm pretty sure he can. But slowly, I'll understand if u don't know how but I can teach you how to appreciate a woman in your life. By the way, back to the main topic, what did I really care is how that man gonna survive his life dating me? I'm weirdo af. I did not know how to love, yeah, cause I fell in love with someone too quick without knowing him more and understand him better than he does. I'm scared if I will feel regret in my life later. I hope so. Okay, I think it is enough for me to share with u guys. Sometimes, it makes me feel better. Thank you, Have a gud night. See you later. Assalamualaikum. Peace and OUT!